But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
