We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
