I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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