I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
