Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
PANTIES FOUND
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
