can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
