Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
