I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
