I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
