Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
