the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
