My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
