you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
