The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
