just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
