hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
