I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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