I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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