I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need water and some morals
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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