im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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