no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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