i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
did i just pee glitter
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