She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
