I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
