I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
