Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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