There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
