no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
