put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i've created a new STD.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
