Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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