No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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