Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
