so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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