omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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