This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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