My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
