You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
