ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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