sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
