you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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