you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
