Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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