i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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