I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
