you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
