You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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