I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
