Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
