so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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