3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
