I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
