After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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